Hello everyone and welcome to the "Are you sure you have everything?" talk! Today we look at the topic, "But it isn't like all the ones I see online."
That's my way of poking fun at something I'm finding very difficult at the moment; creating the nursery. Now, it seems pretty simple right? You need you're crib, changing station, and a dresser. Throw some cute stuff around the place and done!
Haha....... I wish. I'm seeing now that I need a hamper for itty bitty clothes, a few cute storage containers, a larger trash can, something to organize my breastfeeding stuff on the table next to the rocker, a low watt light for leaving on at night, some curtains, a better place for stuffed animals, a place for toys, and pretty much a bunch of other things I really have no clue how to make fit.
My husband and I were planning on having this room double as a sitting/craft room. Pfft, my beads and his yarn were already dominating all, so with the baby coming in they kinda lost their place. I stuck my beads in my closet, hoping once baby starts crawling around she won't get into them. His yarn is with the beads, but I'm pretty sure he'd love it out in the open. At least it's not getting dusty, right?
Anyway..... I really believe that this baby will not only stick to her room, but also pour out into the rest of the house. Like a cute and adorable roommate that can't change their own clothes or bathe alone........
Something else I need, a baby bath thingy. I've got plenty of towels ((thanks to everyone that's gifted them. Torah will love them!)) and I know I won't give her a bath until after the little belly button thing falls off, but it's still one of those things teasing me at the back of my mind.
I learn from watching, then copying, then changing it up to were I can do it my own way. I still NEED that first experience of watching someone though! I couldn't even buy stamps at the post office on my own! It took forever to get me to order food in person, and I'm still more comfortable with the little talk boxes. I had to watch my mother in law wash a bathroom to know what she wanted me to do. I mean, if someone says, "Hey, could you wash the restroom?" I'm over here thinking, "How? Like, the toilet or the shower or do I have to mop or am I taking everything out, cleaning the walls, and then putting stuff back in? Do you want me to organize it or put things exactly where they were? Should I use the same cleaner for everything, should I not use a certain cleaner? What about a scrub brush? Should I use a washcloth, scrubbing brush, scrub sponge, normal sponge, or just a towel?" because I need a detailed list of what I'm supposed to do, or else I'll freak out and think I'm doing it wrong and then get frustrated and quit.
Babies don't come with instruction manuals...............
--I apologize for going off on a rant, but hey, that's kinda what this is for. Doctor said to keep a journal to help my depression, so I'm blogging. Thanks for reading! If anyone has any advice on baby basics, NOT PARENTING STYLES, then I'd be happy to hear it and try it out and heed to it.--
P.S. No, like seriously, telling someone that having a bunch of onesies is very important is advice. Telling someone that they should breastfeed and formula feed instead of fully breastfeeding is telling them how to raise their kid. So, advice good! Pushing a certain parenting style on someone, BAAAAAAAD!!!!!!
Since my last post was rushed, I thought it nice to actually chill, settle into a chair, and blog about what's been happening in the Rau lives.
Well, let's start where I left off, which was sometime in July I believe. David and I had moved into our own apartment and he had started going to college. I still had my waitress job, and we were pretty close to home. It started going a bit downhill though, since I got laid off due to lack of business and he began to grow stressed. We had to deal with a lot of things, and go through some rough trials. I then started to feel weird and be really tired and such. I gained a bit of weight as well. We got some pregnancy test, I did them, and there they were, nice little red lines that confirmed I was pregnant. The 3 or so weeks following that were pretty alright, except the stress was increasing as well as we were running behind on payments. I began to get really sick, and we thought it would just pass and I'd be fine, but it didn't. I was too weak to even drink anything, and if I managed it it would just come back up anyway. He was left with all the house work as well as his schooling, and it became way too much. I attempted to get up and do things, but I would pass out randomly, throw up even with nothing in my stomach. I finally hit a point were my body and psyche couldn't take it anymore and gave into my depression. I saw no use in trying to get up or even in trying to keep myself alive, so I just stopped. The baby, sadly, just wasn't real enough to me yet. I was actually angry at it for not letting me have my life the way I wanted it. The apartment was a mess, my husband wasn't being taken care of, and everything was spiraling down. I wrongly blamed the baby, and then began to blame myself. I finally ended in a state that sent me to the hospital, about 4 times, with life threatening dehydration and lack of nutrients. We began to realize just how much we needed help at this point.
We let his parents know, and they helped us. We moved out of there and into their home after a bit, and that's where we are at the moment. They are wonderful people, and I can feel their love for me even if I'm not their "real daughter". David didn't go back for his next semester, and he de-stressed himself for a while before looking into getting a job. I began to throw up less, took chewy vitamins, which helped a lot, and was able to get back to a more or less healthy state. I was able to gain some of the weight I had lost back, about 25 or so pounds. He found a job he loves, and we're now saving for the future, and planning our lives a bit more diligently. I'm now at my original, pre-pregnancy weight at 8 months, and the baby is growing well. We are both so happy right now, and we can't wait to meet the little baby we've been watching grow for these past months.
I'm surrounded by friends and loved ones, and I know that everything will be alright, so long as I have faith in Heavenly Father, as well as in David's ability to guide his family. I might feel sometimes that I am too young to be a mother, and that this is stealing my life, but then I really think about it and realize that this is extending my life. Motherhood is going to bring more happiness than I ever imagined I could feel. I know that. I know it's a special thing us woman are capable of being. Mothers, they are caring and selfless, yet firm and strict. They are so wonderful, and I hope I can be the perfect mother for our kids.
