What Happened While I Was Gone?

              Since my last post was rushed, I thought it nice to actually chill, settle into a chair, and blog about what's been happening in the Rau lives.

              Well, let's start where I left off, which was sometime in July I believe. David and I had moved into our own apartment and he had started going to college. I still had my waitress job, and we were pretty close to home. It started going a bit downhill though, since I got laid off due to lack of business and he began to grow stressed. We had to deal with a lot of things, and go through some rough trials. I then started to feel weird and be really tired and such. I gained a bit of weight as well. We got some pregnancy test, I did them, and there they were, nice little red lines that confirmed I was pregnant. The 3 or so weeks following that were pretty alright, except the stress was increasing as well as we were running behind on payments. I began to get really sick, and we thought it would just pass and I'd be fine, but it didn't. I was too weak to even drink anything, and if I managed it it would just come back up anyway. He was left with all the house work as well as his schooling, and it became way too much. I attempted to get up and do things, but I would pass out randomly, throw up even with nothing in my stomach. I finally hit a point were my body and psyche couldn't take it anymore and gave into my depression. I saw no use in trying to get up or even in trying to keep myself alive, so I just stopped. The baby, sadly, just wasn't real enough to me yet. I was actually angry at it for not letting me have my life the way I wanted it. The apartment was a mess, my husband wasn't being taken care of, and everything was spiraling down. I wrongly blamed the baby, and then began to blame myself. I finally ended in a state that sent me to the hospital, about 4 times, with life threatening dehydration and lack of nutrients. We began to realize just how much we needed help at this point. 
            We let his parents know, and they helped us. We moved out of there and into their home after a bit, and that's where we are at the moment. They are wonderful people, and I can feel their love for me even if I'm not their "real daughter". David didn't go back for his next semester, and he de-stressed himself for a while before looking into getting a job. I began to throw up less, took chewy vitamins, which helped a lot, and was able to get back to a more or less healthy state. I was able to gain some of the weight I had lost back, about 25 or so pounds. He found a job he loves, and we're now saving for the future, and planning our lives a bit more diligently. I'm now at my original, pre-pregnancy weight at 8 months, and the baby is growing well. We are both so happy right now, and we can't wait to meet the little baby we've been watching grow for these past months. 
            
            I'm surrounded by friends and loved ones, and I know that everything will be alright, so long as I have faith in Heavenly Father, as well as in David's ability to guide his family. I might feel sometimes that I am too young to be a mother, and that this is stealing my life, but then I really think about it and realize that this is extending my life. Motherhood is going to bring more happiness than I ever imagined I could feel. I know that. I know it's a special thing us woman are capable of being. Mothers, they are caring and selfless, yet firm and strict. They are so wonderful, and I hope I can be the perfect mother for our kids.