Cloth Diapers, Day 2

Torah and I have ended our second day of cloth diapers with a small load waiting in the dryer. I actually feel good about this. I can't put my finger on why, but it's a feeling of knowing things are okay....? I don't know if anyone can relate, and if you can please comment.

I have been thinking a lot about things lately. Things like what I want to study and be able to do as a career. I know I plan on being a stay at home mom/wife but if my husband ever cannot work, or if -and let's pray it's not the case- he passes on young, I want to be able to provide for my family. I had been thinking and thinking until it finally hit me that I would love to be a teacher. I think history would be fun, but a language teacher would also be pretty cool. Either of those, though I do not want to be a P.E. coach.... haha!

Another one of the things that I have been pondering on is ways of helping my David more. With the baby requiring most, if not all of my attention, it is very difficult to focus on the man I love. I wish I could do more for him, yet I have no idea how since I can't even feed myself at times. I have noticed that handling the baby has gotten easier little by little, as I get more used to it, so I'm hoping it'll be the same with David.

And lastly, I have an adorable baby, so here, have a picture~

Look at her rocking those Bottombumpers~

She's Here!

On Saturday July 6th, 2013, Torah was born. Weighing in at seven pounds and 14 ounces, and 21 inches long, she was the most precious one of the cutest babies in the hospital~

I have been getting used to life with the new addition, and it's pretty hard. Not really as everyone told me, but more on my scheduling. I keep going without food for a whole day at times. I just forget to eat. It doesn't matter to me though. What I'm focused on is keeping Her happy and comfortable all the time. When she sleeps I try to get things done to keep my husband happy, and when she awakes again it's all her. Then my husband gets home and it's all about them. I don't think I will be able to make a schedule for myself again, at least not until She has a more defined one herself too.

I know I didn't update this while in the hospital like I said, but I had given up on her getting here before the induction so I wasn't ready. I hadn't packed my computer..... hehehe. Now though, I have this free time due to being in pain and granny taking care of Torah. Since I am in pain, waiting for the medication to kick in, I am also distracting myself with this. I am not sure what the harsh contraction like pains are, and I had my doctor say they were just because I wasn't taking it easy. I got told to try to be on "bed rest" but I hate that idea. Who will take care of my darling little bundle of cuteness? Who will pick up my loved bigger bundle of handsomeness' socks off the floor? Yeah, granny would volunteer but I would feel really bad......

Well, anyway, getting my boring stuff out of the way, here is what you were all waiting for! Adorable pictures of Torah! I should seriously try to get her to enter a baby pageant or something......

Google it~

I have come to realize that maybe it's a good idea to try and keep certain things private. For example, your plans for baby care and parenting. I have had a lot of people flood me with questions about the whole cloth diapering thing, and I'm just here thinking, "Well, do what I did and google it."

That'd be a rude response though, and so I have to dig in my head for all the answers to their questions. I'm a new mom. New to breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and baby caring. Do you really think I have a secret answer you haven't been able to find? I understand them, I just wish they wouldn't make me feel so inadequate sometimes. I find myself thinking it might just be easier to go with formula and disposables and save myself the whole, "What about on long car rides? Will her clothes fit over that? Are you sure they're better? 15$ for a diaper is a bit much, no? What about when you can't breastfeed her? What will you do in public? She needs to bond with her father as well." and all the other things like that.

I am a very stubborn person, but if overwhelmed and overloaded, I will take the easier route. The path of least resistance. I will leave it all to others to make decisions for me, be it what I want or not at all, and will end up just going along with things. I do not want to do that when it comes to my children. I want to try my hardest for them, same way I try my hardest for my husband. In 5, 10, 20, 40 years I want to look at our kids and know that it's because of what WE as parents decided to teach them, and not because we were following an instruction manual.

Our kids were made from scratch and with a recipe of our own, with our Heavenly Father's help, and that's how we will raise them.

Marriage

You know, most people tell you that marriage is a giant thing. That it's a huge decision. That you should think about it. A lot of others tell you that you should have a degree and your life completely set up before you even consider marriage. That if you marry when you're under 25 then you're wasting away your life and dooming it to misery. Well...... someone isn't happy in their marriage. 

Thing is, no one tells you exactly what it entails! Why? Because it's what you make it. You won't end up the same way their uncle's nephew's cousin's friend's lawyer's bartender did. You will end up however you choose to. Yeah, it's not a direct choice because it's more of a mixture of consequences, but not all consequences are bad. 

A lot of people told me I was being stupid for getting married at 19 to a 22 year old with no college degree. People even brought up that no amount of "love" would be able to deal with his Aspergers. That I wasn't strong enough to deal with his disability. I fell in love with him because of who he is, and that includes everything about him. Yes, it was really hard finishing high school and planning a wedding during my spare time instead of "living the life" like most of the other seniors at school. Did I want to live that life though? Not really. 

Right now, my marriage entails waking up at 4:30am, helping my husband get ready for work, doing some early morning chores like putting on a wash of clothes and emptying the dishwasher before going back to bed. Then I wake up at 9am and have second breakfast because I'm a tall hobbit   take a shower, and pick up around our room, baby's room, and bathroom. Put the clothes in the dryer or hang them up to dry, put them away, rest a bit and blog, and then just wait for the love of my life to come home. 

We take a small nap together, and then talk and do finances or take care of things we need to do. Plan for the future, both long term and short term. Hang out at the mall because we're young enough to do that~ (just joking around, old couples should totally go clubbing and stuff.) 

Anyway, the reason I just told you about all that is because that's the average day for US. Not YOU. You might have a different schedule, have the husband as the one who stays at home, or both of you might work, or work from home. There is no set way marriage goes. There is no perfect marriage schedule to follow, or perfect whatever to go by. As long as you are both being smart about finances, being clean and keeping up with your home, and talking and communicating well, then you should be fine. The most important thing is that you both love each other truly, and let that love show. I clean up after David, picking up his dirty socks, his plate from the table after he finishes eating, and the trash he leaves behind him randomly. Does it bug me? Not really. I wish our trash cans weren't invisible to him, but meh~ 

In return, he helps me fold clothes, put things away I wouldn't be able to put away otherwise, comes with me to the doctor as boring as he finds it, and has been taking great care of me throughout our first pregnancy. He does a lot of other stuff, but if I write it all down he might realize how awesome he is and then his ego won't fit in the room. Two super awesome people together, it's lucky we haven't cause some sort of explosion in the universe yet.

The point I'm attempting, and failing, to get across is that yes, you should think about marriage very carefully but not in terms of "Am I too young?", "Is this the right time?", "What will people think?". Think more along the lines of:

-"How will I feel being with them constantly?"

-"Will I mind sharing a shower even though they hog the water?"

-"Do I love them enough to excuse anything they do to annoy me?"

Questions like those. Random things you don't really think about. Raising a child with them. Growing old together. Going through so very many ups and downs that you'd go crazy if you weren't holding on to your partner tightly. This isn't really something telling you what to do and certainly not how to do it, but this is some friendly advice from a young wife that just made it through their first year and knows she doesn't know everything. 

Aiming for a Healthier Lifestyle

Today, my friend Kat and I went out to the gym to blow off steam for a bit. She talked about how she's trying to eat healthier, be more active, and just be better to her body overall. It got me thinking about the future and present, as well as the past. 

       In the future, I want to be a good example of healthy living to my children. I want to learn recipes that will have the nutrients needed, as well as the right amount of calories. I want them to know the fun in running, and the feeling you get when you see just how far you've gone. That accomplished feeling, knowing your body is capable of just a little bit more. I want my husband and I to do our best to keep up with our children, so that once they're older we will still be there for them. Exercise, in my opinion, is also a great bonding opportunity, specially between moms and teenage daughters.

       Right now, I realize that I must actually stay at the weight I am at. I am sad that I can't do my usual tae bo, and running, nor can I do any push ups or weights. I feel weak and vulnerable. I'm afraid that my muscles will forget what they're capable of and I will have to begin all over again. Not 75 sit ups a minute, but back to the 30 I started with. I will have to work my way back up to being able to do 25 push ups, 5 minutes of flutter kicks, all of the things I used to do! Everything I worked hard to even be able to do! Will I even still be able to run a mile in under 10 minutes!? I want to get in shape, and in the meantime, I want to stay healthy enough to give birth to the beautiful baby girl our family has been blessed with. 

       In the past I've been so careless about health. I ate whatever, whenever, and barely did I push myself. The only thing that made that change was my desire to show those people who called me weak, and those who said I couldn't do it, that I could join the Army, and that I could do whatever I wanted to. Sadly, I was not accepted into any of the branches, despite passing all of the physical requisites except for the Marines, due to having early arthritis and asthma. I had achieved my goal, yet it was taken from me by things I could not control. Arthritis runs in the family and shows up around age 13. Asthma was environmental, growing up in Southern Cali. 

       Yet, all of these things, these experiences, are now pushing me to want to change a few lifestyle habits I've tended to ignore before. I can stretch in the morning. I can do some abdominal exercises by laying on my back and just moving my muscles. I can dance around lightly and try to walk more. Take the longer route to where I'm walking, or just make two trips instead of one difficult one. Eat better, more fruit, things that will accelerate my metabolism. Encourage my husband to join me in this, as well as save up for a gym membership. I know he really wants a treadmill desk~